I don't like being angry, I would go so far as to say I hate being angry, which kind of defeats what I hope to accomplish, but there is something worse than just anger in me. My anger is undirected. Cliche` it may be, though odd for a man to say, I feel like I am turning into my mother. I'm so ANGRY but I don't know WHY. I can feel it, deep down, this burning hate and spite just building up with no where to go.
I'm afraid, afraid that I might do something stupid and ruin a friendship or spoil a moment that would have otherwise been precious. I'm terrified I'll let this anger out on the wrong thing.
There is no worse hate than that without a discernible cause, some logical reason for its presence. For the life of me I can't figure out what it is, and because of that I don't think I will ever be able to root out the chief cause.
If I suddenly erupt in anger over something am I treating the disease or the symptom? Is this the true cause or is it something I would normally have overlooked if not for this base rage?
Maybe it's the weather. It's rainy and shitty out, even when the sun peeks through, I'm either in class until it goes down again, or stuck studying. I try to go have fun with my friends, but there is only so much you want to even do when you feel this way.
I tried listening to happy music, eating food that's good for me, hell even playing Robot Unicorn Attack did nothing.
I'm just... angry.
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