Morality

I take a class here at my University called Toleration. Today our discussion was on morality in children and how it should be applied to education in schools. According to several polls and statistics, the average moral character among children as viewed by their teachers were declining, even in as few as five years, the rate of cheating, violence, and substance abuse had risen drastically. Our intended focus was on whether schools should be promoting character education or if it should be left at home or if, in fact, it has any effect on the moral growth of children at all. That discussion was for class, my point in this blog post is as to whose fault it is that these new generations of children are becoming less and less ethical.

I blame the parents. I was raised by two parents, a mother and a father. Personally I believe my father was the more influential of the two. My dad never swore in front of me, not frequently at least. There was never a reward for good behavior and, as such, no need for a punishment. I was expected to do as he told me to do, so I did. There was never an "or else" added to the statement, just "You will do this, then we will do this, finally we will do this." We did many things together, but it wasn't a reward for good behavior. Together the two of us would go to the pizzeria in town before I had to go to preschool or after kindergarten let out and he would buy me a slice of pizza and a Yohoo. That was how it worked. I did as I was expected, and he would be content.

I was not the perfect child, I could be as obnoxious as any other kid my age. In particular I had a habit of giving my voice a certain swing when I was being silly that seemed to bother my dad. Sometimes I wouldn't even realize I was doing it, but he would always raise his voice a bit and say "Rye, stop doing that with your voice." I would comply. It was never "Stop doing that with your voice or no desert."

"That's not fair!" That had to be my favorite term. "Life isn't fair," was, in return, my father's favorite term. To be fair, my dad usually was. My mother on the other hand had a different outlook. She was always the one to hand out punishments. I believe that had quite an impact on my general outlook on her. If I did something wrong, intentionally or otherwise, or even if I did something she just did not like regardless of moral or ethical consequence, it was "No dessert," or "No T.V." One time I had said, "Someone at school called me a bastard, what's a bastard?" to my sister and her friend. My mother had heard only the swear through the door and sentenced me to two laps around the house, refusing to hear my side of the story until after I had completed the punishment.

You see, my father achieved my respect, my mother earned my fear. This lead to vastly different ways of verbal or mental responses to them: "Go get your clothes out of the hamper." If my dad said that I would do it usually right away, if my mom said it my first mental response would be 'or what?' As I got older that changed somewhat and it could take several commands from either parent to do as they asked, but I would feel bad if it was my dad who had to yell. With my mother, it was expected she would do it either way.

The point of this little trip through time is to show two sides of the moral spectrum. Children these days are doing only because of what they will or will not receive in return. I never dreamed of throwing a tantrum because all it would get me was a look from my father before he walked down the isle, or so I imagine. He would not compromise on things that had to be done, or if he knew it was within my power to accomplish quickly or easily. "You are getting a shot today at the doctor's office." I would say I did not want to get a shot and he would simply reply, "You need to get a shot and it might hurt." When we got to the office, the doctor would swab my arm, take out the needle, then tell my dad to hold me tight. My dad would tell me once again that this was something I had to do, and I would sit still, look away, and maybe let a tear slip by as they stuck me with the needle. My sister was apparently even braver than I was and would look at the needle, my younger brother a bit more of a coward. Regardless of our emotional response, not one of us ever put up a fuss about needles.

I walk into a doctor's office today and it is a competition of who can scream the loudest. The doctor is yelling for the parent to hold the child still, the parent is screaming that afterward they will go out for ice cream, and the kid is wailing and thrashing on the table. It's crazy.

The American Child is too spoiled, it is all about how much they can get in return for as little effort as they can put forth. And parents are buying into it, or rather, because parents are buying into it. The government and society as a whole is partially to blame, making a harsh word qualify as abuse, but you are the parent for god's sake. Parent your child! Children are not your equal and they should respect you as their superior. You are not their to cater to their every whim, the world does not revolve around them. You are to ensure they grow up following the moral code innate in every human being, keep them from ideas that will corrupt that moral guide, and provide for them the basic necessities they need to survive.

I will admit that I grew up privileged, I had just about everything I could ask for within reason. Every Christmas I got a plethora of toys, some I wouldn't even end up playing with, they would just sit in my closet. But, I never forgot what was right or what was wrong, my parents did not steer me wrong, or allow me to be steered. My opinions may differ in some aspects, but our morals are similar.

If you ever have children, or if you have children currently, it is not about instilling fear or becoming their slave, it is about earning their respect and making them work to gain yours. Love is unconditional, respect is not.