I'm so fed up with this body of mine. I don't know if I'm actually sick or if I'm being hit with the mother of all acid-reflux whatevers. All I know is that I need sleep to not fail a final I have tomorrow and I am not going to get that sleep because my stomach has decided this week would be as good a week as any to begin dissolving my heart and lungs.
Things to do before a big test:
Eat right
Get a good night's sleep
Keep calm
Study
Things that are insanely hard/impossible to do while ill:
Eat
Sleep
Relax
Focus in any way shape or form
Let me compile all this stress on top of my usual freaking out and I have yet another recipe for disaster on my hands. I recently made an attempt at saying no to some people, which was a big thing for me. I needed to study and I wasn't feeling to good, but my new-ish friends wanted to go out. I beat around the bush for a while, but with some urgings from my other friends, I finally managed to grow the balls to flat out say I did not want to go out. It was both incredibly liberating and extremely stressful. I literally had to make sure the people I had said no to were not offended in any way, then ask my other friend if me saying no to the first group of friends at least made him happy because I am so desperately needy like that.
If I'm not making someone else happy, I really don't think it is possible for me to be happy, making it extremely difficult for people to know what will make me happy. My mother, I know for a fact, has gotten to the point that she needs to confront me alone to find out whether or not I am elated over a gift or event because I can't just express it in a way she understands. It really just isn't fair. I want her to be happy, but to do that, I need to be happy. Yet I can't be happy unless I am making her happy which would be accomplished by me being happy.
I can only hope this horrible stress buildup will be taken care of after Finals and I get a nice month long break from it all.
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